simply_blah

I was going to take Grant to Dollywood to see the Christmas lights. He could ride the cars, see the train and for one last time since it's so warm. I have a tank of gas.

I can't find my season pass. I don't have $15 for a new one or an extra $8 dollars to pay for parking.

It's so stupid but I feel so broken now.

On Wednesday, I started working at my sister's hotel. It's not the best job in the world. It's only two to three days per week, the pay is minimum and my first check will be delayed three weeks, and the job may only last until January. But it's a job.

This morning my sister just texted me that the owner/manager had put up a 'Hiring Now' sign.

I haven't been able to reach anyone.

Honestly? If I lose this job I'm really not going to see a point in continuing to go on. I really am not.

The first three minutes of Castle were seriously the most epic thing that I've seen in a long time.

He was a space cowboy guys.

I think I just talked Kassy into cosplaying Donna with me.

:D

Ya'll know now I get to go to Dragon*Con. I'm going to be cosplaying Rhiannon Davies but I need help. I do not know which shirt to wear. I'll be borrowing a wig and I have a pair of light jeans as well as jewelry.

This was x-posted to dw_cosplay.


( If you thought my two wonky eyes were bad... )

It's not been a secret to most people that I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. What that is doesn't need to be gotten into right now but suffice it to say, I was miserable. I was in a dark place and the outlook, for me, didn't look good.

I got a letter in the mail from Crystal. I thought it was going to be a belated birthday card and maybe a letter since it was in a big envelope. It was so much more than a birthday card. I always make a face when people type that they are 'shaking and crying' but that's what I did.

I get to go to Dragon*Con because some people out there are really nice, epically nice.

I don't have the words to properly thank everyone involved.

Going to Dragon*Con doesn't fix things but it helps in knowing that people like me enough to do this for me. It also helped me when I went out looking for jobs this past week and the week prior. I would reread the letters and it would help me feel optimistic. I needed that.

Thank you guys.

<3

I had a dream last night...

Someone dies Arthas the Lich King appears and is all 'Mwahahahahaha!' I shall make her into a Death Knight and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

Que John Wayne, followed by the red and blue Daleks. John Wayen says "I don't think so Pilgrim."

And that's when Human!Ten and Rose show up followed by other characters that I can't quite remember.

o.O

Is anyone else not receiving replies to comments and/or posts?

I am really, really sick of eating nothing but raman noodles and scrambled eggs this week and most of last week. At this point I'm just gonna go without tonight and possibly in the morning because the thought of eating anymore cheap food is making me ill.

I want fuji apples with a little bit of cream cheese. I want some bell peppers. Mmm, cooked celery.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sick.

I was fine this morning. I was upset about having to fork out cash that I don't really have to renew my license but I wasn't sick. After I get my license, I come home and I haven't eaten anything (which is a bad habit of mine to go for long periods without eating and then binge) so I have a bowl of cereal.

After that my stomach starts to feel gross but I ignore it and take Grant down to my grandparents. I get halfway there and I get a coughing fit. It's after that that my head starts to hurt as does every other part of me. I lay down at Gram's and take a light nap but that doesn't make me feel better. I run a fever. I feel dizzy.

I took a lukewarm shower and I feel a bit better now.

Ugh. I feel so gross and I'm having a raging hot flash at the moment.

My birthday is today. I turned thirty years old. I can't say that I'm happy. I don't have anything to show for thirty years of life.

I don't have a job. I don't have a degree. I don't have any friends. I don't have anything meaningful in my life. I'm a big waste.

To make matters worse, I tried to renew my license this morning. I found out that for the past two and a half years I have been driving on a suspended license for a speeding ticket that I got in March of 2006. I paid the ticket. I paid what I could at the time because I was working a retail job making $6.30 an hour. I paid what I could, unfortunately for me, their records are showing that I paid it off in May 2007. I know that I did not wait that long. I paid it off at the first part of February when I got my tax refund. I don't have any way to prove that, however. I closed the bank account that the checks were written from and SunTrust said that they cannot do any kind of research.

That's $140 to get it reinstated plus the fee to get a brand new license and I have no idea where I'm going to come up with that kind of cash right now.

So I really don't want anymore birthdays like this. I'm not sure if I want another birthday period.

Grant is going to see yet another heart specialist tomorrow. There may be a whole in his heart and they want to get a better look. I'm not sure what that means or if that's just the murmor. I was just told today.

He's active. He's gaining weight. He's pretty much healthy. If there ws something really wrong with him he wouldn't be so active would he be? Would he?

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted really. I'm watching Grant every single day from 7 in the morning until he goes to bed practically. My sister is on the morning shift. My mother is working until five. That leaves me to take care of him, do the chores around the house, cook, clean, etc. My sister doesn't do anything.

I'm just really, really tired.

I also have to go to Pellissippi tomorrow and find out what's going on. I put off registration at the end of Spring term because I just did. I don't ahve any excuses. Now I can't register and I'm getting notification that I'm to start repaying my student loans in September. *twitch*

By the way, I failed all but two classes.

I'm a fucking mess and I'm tired off it all.

And I feel like an ass even saying that because I've been following the elections and then protests in Iran. It's so awful and even saying that it's awful doesn't accurately describe what's going on over there. And yeah, I changed my layout to green but I feel like an ass even doing that because it's just an LJ.

If you haven't checked it out, please see this post. It's the second live post about Iran. The last one had thirty-one pages.

I'm not asking you to care, I'm just asking that you know.

I'm currently engrossing in what's going on in Iran at the current moment.

If you aren't a member already, please go to ontd_p.

Grant's on his way to Children's Hospital. They are going to check to see if he has a heart murmur.

*twitch*

Yeah.

No more WoW for me. My subscription game card expired at 4am this morning.

:(

Last weekend, I spent my time in a combination of puppy/cat/house sitting.

Before I left Thursday I gave my bedroom and the upstairs bathroom, that I share with my sister, a good scrubbing.



I scrubbed the bathtub. I sprayed the shower liner with cleaner and then wiped it down and rinsed it. I got the toilet but inside and out. I swiffer dusted the walls. I cleaned the mirror. I cleaned out the container that holds the soap and anti-microbial goo. I dusted the lights. I sprayed down Grant's bath toys and then rinsed them off. I got the baseboards and door. I put out clean hand towels. I put down baking powder and vinegar down the drain because they've been kinda sluggish. I got around the bathroom sink and counter. I vacuumed and mopped with an actual mop and not just a swiffer mop. In short, I busted my ass.



There were towels on the floor. She'd emptied the trash but hadn't bother to replace the bag but she'd still thrown things away. She changed the roll of toilet paper but left the old empty one on the roll. Her hair and toothpaste covered the sink. She left everything out. There was this weird sand residue that was left in the tub, I guess from where Grant likes to play in his sandbox and then have a bubble bath. His toys had been left in the tub and covered with leftover bubbles.

This is what I put up with on a daily basis. It's not enough that I clean the bathroom, clean the boy's things, wash his clothes, wash his bedclothes, and sometimes wash Cari's clothes. It's not enough that most nights I fix dinner and do my mother and her husband's laundry. It's not enough that I fix his nightly ninis and make sure that his woobie is washed every other day. It's also not enough that I fix his dinner, ask about what's he's ate that day (the boy doesn't like to eat), and make sure that he has everything else that he needs.

She still constantly treats me like crap. How hard is it to replace the bag (WHEN THERE ARE SOME UNDERNEATH THE SINK) and switch out the toilet paper? It's not very hard.

But enough about my sister...

After I cleaned up and packed, I went down there. To my dismay I found out that I did not pick up any wireless networks. To make it worse the computer in the attic room was on dial-up. Dial-up sucks but what made the computer unusable was the hotness of the room. There was a vent for the air conditioner but you couldn't tell it. It was so hot and miserable up there that it just exhausted me to use the computer.

I used my phone a lot but it didn't do anything for the absolute boredom.

I spent a lot of my time crafting. I made some artwork for the boy's room at the house. I also made him some pillows because he loves diggers and mowers. I made some message boards. I crafted myself out.

It didn't help much.

I went to Panera Bread Saturday. The Fuji Apple Chicken Salad is good but does not compare to the strawberry chicken salad that is coming soon.

I played with Cinnamon as much as I could and with Grant. It was in the high eighties all weekend long. I didn't go outside much in the afternoons. It was hot.

I also did not sleep well. The bed in Grant's room is a very firm mattress.

Then there was the rash caused by antibiotics.

Unlike most times when I have to look after Cinnamon, the cat, and the house, I was looking forward to coming home.

I had high plans for the weekend. I was going to be playing WoW a lot. I was going to do a lot of admin crap for marvel_mansion. (Although I still LOL at the layout of mansion_bullpen. I was going to work on some application for RPs and some biographies, maybe make a few icons and get some RPing done.

None of that happened.

I don't know if this weekend will be any better. Already my sister started yelling at me because I asked her to move, I had to fold the laundry. I also have to pack up my winter clothes.

Meh.

Coming soon! A Wolverine movie review!

Revenge of the Edit: BTW, if any of you would like a mask icon, feel free to hit me up.

Tags: cari, crafts, doing stuff for people, my sister is a b*tch, my sister is an ungrateful slag

I am never, ever taking the antibiotic Amoxicillin again. Not only did it break me out in a very itchy rash it did the other thing that antibiotics sometimes do.

The pain in my teeth is gone.

I just have some pretty darn severe itching going on. I'm also pretty darn dizzy at times and lightheaded but my teeth don't hurt.

And I think I'll take having the inside of my eyes and nose itch than a toothache.

That's why I haven't been on.

I'm in quit a bit of pain right now.

My tooth won't stop hurting. It's going into my raw and radiating down my arm. I've taken everything. I've drank clove tea and swished it around. It's not working and I'm at my bloody wit's end.

I want to hurt someone it hurts so bad.

I'll preface with saying that my mother's tong for her cellphone is very, very loud. It was called four times so when I went downstairs to get a drink, I looked. It was the same number over and over. They called again so I answered it.

It was the cops. Her store was busted into. I have to wake her up.

That does not go well. While waiting for her the cops then say that the store manager is on their way. She's free to go back to bed only she doesn't. She's getting ready to go in, four hours before she has to be there.

My mother's husband gets up and asks me how could I be so dumb and inconsiderate to answer her phone.

I can hear them talking downstairs. "One of them would shit if I answered their phone." & "I can't believe she did that."

My mother won't be coming back home after she finds out what happened. My mother's husband is pissed.

They are going to tell all of their friends why they are so tired. "Charly answered the phone and woke us up."

You know what? Fuck the two of you. Every damn day I'm cleaning. I do your laundry. I do the boy's laundry. Hell. I even do my sister's laundry. I vacuum the kitchen and the living room almost every other day. I wipe down the counters. I unload/load the dishwasher. I clean the half-bath, the upstairs bath and cook dinner. Not to mention all the care and stuff I do for Grant.

I don't have a job but I fucking help! I haven't asked for shit. I do everything that I can. I'm sorry that this inconveniences you two but I thought it might be a genuine, someone is hurt, kind of emergency. You don't have to talk about me like I'm a piece of shit because I woke the two of you up.

SO SCREW YOU!

There's no way I'm sleeping tonight. Tomorrow I'll have to get a shower ASAP and find somewhere, that won't cost me any money, to go to. I'm not dealing with Tracy in the evening.

Maybe if I disappear for a few hours they might realize all that I do. Maybe. I doubt it though. Who'd miss me?

Edit: There was nothing wrong. Nothing had been stolen. Something just caused the alarm to go off.